Maybe

I had a dream the other night, and it was wonderful.

I can't really tell you what happened, well I can a little. I remember parking in a gas station parking lot and getting out of the car with a guy and we walked down the country lane wrapped around each other. we weren't talking or anything, just walking. he lifted me over a small trickle of muddy water that crossed the road then we laughed as he teased me about pushing me into some fish hatchery pond where you could see the fish all bobbing to the surface with their mouths open.

He stopped walking and pulled me into him and kissed me and said "don't leave me baby" and I knew we were just parting for a couple of days. and we kissed some more.

I just remember feeling incredible. It wasn't the kissing, although that was great, but more the feeling. I liked him a lot, and I knew he liked me. I knew he would call me again and this wasn't just a one sided relationship.

I woke up feeling so good, and reveled in it in the shower. And I could feel his arms around me all day. Is that weird? okay I know it is but I don't really care.

I felt good and I felt happy and I wanted to just keep feeling that way.

Le sigh, here is where I tell you the lack of those feelings and the memory that it was just a dream make me feel lonely today.

I hope one day it won't just be a memory forever. I hope (and here is where I get religious) that I can continue to have faith that Heavenly Father loves me and knows me and knows my desires and will provide for me.

I know without a doubt this life is not made for us to live it alone, and maybe I am just being tested right now. Maybe one day I will look back and realize this was all for my good.

**sigh**

Maybe

Lock up your husbands ladies!

You know what I find attractive? Like really really attractive?

Wedding rings

No I'm not gonna go dry hump my marrried co-workers now.

I'm not saying a married man is attractive and that I want to be susie homewrecker. I am attracted to the idea of a man wearing a wedding ring. Proclaiming to the world with one little gold band "hey I'm taken, and I like that I'm taken so back off"

I like look of a hand with that jewelry on it.

Every time I see one I want to thank the man wearing it for being man enough to proclaim his status to the world.

I want to one day find a man that will wear one from me proudly and feel naked without it. The ex dropped his at work and it got run over and smooshed so it was a while before I bought him another and he didn't feel connected to it at all. I want a man that will understand the importance of the statment a ring makes.

Know what else is sexy? A man with his kids

Mmmmmhmmmmm. Nothing cuter than a guy with a baby, or toddler, or heck even school aged kid not screaming at each other.

I'm 28 and if you had asked me ten years ago if I ever thought I would be drooling over a married man with kids I would have laughed in your face, but now? take me to a park and let me loose because dang thats some good eye candy!

I heart Books

A lot, like let my kids watch cartoons at midnight so Mommy can finish this chapter kind of addiction.

so I read a lot.

A LOT

So when a friend at work recommended Barbara Delinsky and let me borrow her books, I jumped at the chance. I've read a couple of them now, and I really enjoy them but there is one thing that bothers me.

So far none of them are really happily ever after type endings. I mean they all end good, but they are realistic except when it comes to sex, and I guess the relationships. Now I am no expert at relationships, obviously. I did marry The Ex, and he is currently sexing another man, so I'm not really all that smart when it comes to dating. But is everyone else out there but me finding these fantastic partners and having mind blowing, out of this world, completely fulfilling sex?

Let me just explain, these are not harlequin romances, I don't really want to read about what goes on in anyone else's bedroom. A hint of the fact that people have sex lives is not bad, but by all means I do not want to read about Reginalds quivering member. (and if you know what movie that's from, I love you, we should be best friends)

So, The books aways have rocky relationship, and they always get better, but they also end up fulfilling each other in ways the main character never knew was possible, so is it?

Is there such a thing as happily ever after?

Do couples really find this connection that is so much more than just the physical?

Does everyone's other half complete them?

Someone please share the secret to finding a completely fulfilling partner that will eventually lead to post marital mind blowing sex!

There are some thing my family should never know

Which is why I blog, and I do it anonymously.

Well okay that's not the whole reason. I did have a family blog, put my kids pictures and our last name and everything.
And then I got a stalker,
well sort of.

He was actually just a creep that wanted my job but he found my blog through facebook and tried to use it to show the major head honchos that I'm an idiot. (that it an extremely condensed version of what happened, but it sums it up nicely). Since I do not want to be Dooced, I made my personal blog private and then stopped writing.

It wasn't a conscience decision to stop writing but I kinda felt mad, okay I felt really pissed. I wanted to write(no matter how bad I am at it) and I wanted to write whatever I want without feeling like I had to sensor myself!

So that's why I'm here, because I feel like I should be able to say whatever the Hell I want!

I occasionally swear, I like to talk about boys, I sometimes complain about my kids. I want to be able to rant about The Ex or the morons at work (without specifics of course). Or complain that I am baby hungry, or horny because its been over three years (THREE.YEARS!) but I don't have casual sex and yes sometimes that decision of mine pisses me off. I want to complain that hormones suck because when they are raging certain songs make me cry. I want to tell you all about the details of my at work make-out buddy (oh yes I did) and how now he asks for dating advice (oh yes he does).

I want to post whatever little random thought pops into my head at any given moment.

Brace yourselves, and welcome to my blog!