I feel like I need to tell someone but really don't necessarily want to tell anyone. Yeah for no one knowing who I am and no one reading this blog.
These last two weeks I have been in some classes for work. These classes are held by the state and attended by people from all over so I have met a couple people from around the state. One guy in particular really interests me.
He's two years older, brown hair, brown eyes, kinda bigger and a bit taller than me. In the first class he sat in the chair in front of me and was pretty shy but he started turning around to talk to me during the breaks. This week when I was determined to move to sit next to him, I walked into class to find he had moved to the chair next to the one I occupied the week before. That's a good sign right?
We ate lunch together all this week. We laughed, we joked, he felt comfortable enough to eat food off my plate and offer me his and share an occasional snack with me. he has my number, we texted and then talked on the phone to study for the test.
Here's the biggest thing about this guy, I like him. It seems like he and I would just fit. We both studied ASL in college but ended up not finishing with it. We both started part time at our current jobs 6 years ago and went full time and are just now starting these required classes.
He has a niece that has leukemia and every time she loses her hair, he shaves his head bald to match her (so sweet right?). We both like the same candy and don't like soda, we got along and laughed and joked and, I thought, flirted.
I figured we were becoming friends and maybe one day he would ask me out, maybe I would ask him, but I wasn't worried. Then this section of the classes ended and the teacher wants to set him up with his daughter and I'm pissed.
For a couple reasons
First, why does no one ever want to set me up? everyone always jokes that single people hate being set up because they get it all the time, um not me. One person in the last 3 1/2 years has tried to set me up. her "friend" wanted to meet me through facebook first, then it was like pulling teeth to get the guy to talk to me, so yeah, that went over well.
Any way, why does no one ever want to set me up? Is there something wrong with me? am I that undesirable?
Second I'm kind of jealous. I want him to take ME out, not the teachers daughter. In fact during class the teacher even teased he should take me out. But that's it, and I guess I'm fine with that for now, because we have two more classes together but still, I wanted SOMETHING to happen. Any thing.
So here I was, thinking I'm really not a loser because who knows what will happen in the next classes but what ever, it'll be fine. And really I'm not a loser for spending valentines day eating frozen pizza and ice cream while watching Harry Potter alone because even my kids don't want to spend the night with me but that okay because this is just a phase of my life and it wont be like this forever.
And then he didn't return my text.
And my Oregon Husband wont talk to me on yahoo chat.
And then I got a message from some guy on a dating site saying "lets make love" and when I said um, no thanks, he said um, good luck then, because no one wants to settle down with a cow...
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And now I am praying for 4:30 when I can leave work and cry alone in my car. I'm so glad this weekend the ex has the kids so I can wallow in self pity and finish off the ice cream alone. I'm counting days until I am back in class so I'm not at work but I don't want to be in class either.
I am terrified to tell anyone what some random anonymous person said on the Internet because I'm afraid they will agree. I have deleted my profile from this particular website and vowed never to try to meet anyone through the Internet again because this weirdo just wants to get laid and he knows nothing about me and made some crude comment based on a few pictures on the Internet because in my head I'm not a cow. I'm a bigger girl but I'm working on it and I don't think I look that awful. But at the same time I am preparing to spend the rest of my Valentines Days watching Harry because the only person who will ever want to spend that day with me is a fictional character that I only have conversations with in my head (I'm looking at you Ron). I am terrified to tell anyone the way that I feel because I think they will agree, I'm not worth it, I am a cow and no one wants to settle down with a cow. And if they didn't agree, I will always secretly be thinking they are lying to me.
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